Why Is Trust So Important for A Happy Marriage?
When a marriage’s trust is violated, significant problems arise. Every relationship should strive to maintain transparency and trust. Think about it. The foundation of our relationships is trust. You can’t decide or respond to someone’s questions if you can’t believe what they say. This isn’t only a marriage issue. Every connection requires some level of trust to communicate effectively.
It also applies to the workplace. Imagine doing business with someone who says things you don’t believe. Would you purchase at a store that stated one thing but did something else? What if they said the amount was $100, but your credit card was charged $1000 later? And then they just made excuses when you addressed them. I would not do business with them again. Most people wouldn’t.
Our faith in the integrity of people keeps us connected to them. This is especially true in marriage. However, when integrity is compromised, difficulties arise because a healthy relationship requires trust.
Why Does a Lack of Trust Destroy a Marriage?
Once trust has been broken, it will be tough to regain. Even if a couple is able to forgive and move on after a breach of trust, it might take years to re-establish the closeness they previously enjoyed.
Here are a few reasons why a lack of trust will harm your marriage.
Inability to be Vulnerable
When you are physically intimate, share your feelings, and problem-solve with your spouse, you are vulnerable.
These are all crucial characteristics of a good relationship. But, because you are afraid of allowing them in and getting harmed again, trust undermines your capacity to be vulnerable with your partner.
Suspicion and Doubt
When your partner betrays your trust, you are continuously on edge. You no longer have that crucial foundation of confidence and begin to analyze every text message they send or why they were five minutes late getting home from work. Your heart is broken due to your distrust, and you are unable to connect properly with your partner.
This is not only an uncomfortable way to act in a marriage, but it is also emotionally exhausting and extremely hard to deal with.
When lies are present, there is a lack of communication. If your spouse tends to lie (about major and minor things), it interferes with your capacity to speak openly and honestly with one another. You will not be able to progress as a couple unless you communicate.
Trust is an essential component of every relationship, and it is simple to understand how a couple may wind up divorcing due to a lack of it. Therefore, the best advice for couples on the verge of divorce is to concentrate on re-establishing trust.
Before we get into the answer to the question, ”Should you stay in a marriage if you don’t trust your spouse?” We must understand the various reasons for distrust – or the lack thereof.
Reasons for Broken Trust
There are many levels of trust and distrust. These factors should be considered while deciding whether or not to stay in a marriage. It depends on your situation and the amount of distrust as well as the risk of unclear and non-commitment of your spouse.
I am not a supporter of deceit in any way. But, let’s face it, not all “untruth” is created equal. So, hear me out before you slam your righteous hammer down on me. I’m not suggesting that you lie. By a long shot, no. I’m only highlighting something that should be apparent. This will assist us in determining how to handle problems when they develop.
There’s a difference between telling your wife you love her new hairstyle. However, it’s not your favourite and telling her you were golfing with some mates when you were golfing with another lady. I’m hoping you’ll notice the difference.
Lying is not acceptable. However, various situations require varying degrees of trust (or mistrust). Understanding these factors can help us to understand better how we react.
Broken Trust Because of Lying
Infidelity can cause a relationship to end due to broken trust. But what about deception? What should you do if your spouse has lied to you?
If you’ve ever been deceived by someone you thought you could trust, you understand how heartbreaking it can be. It destroys trust because the truth is the foundation of all trust. When lies are used to replace the truth, trust is shattered.
If trust has been shattered, the first order of business is to repair it. Nothing works until there is a foundation of trust. So you will have to work to re-establish trust to the extent that it has been broken. It isn’t simple, but it is possible.
Remember this equation: Truth = Trust. If you are truthful, you can be trusted.
If you don’t trust your partner, it’s time to take a hard look at yourself. Why has there been a breach of trust? Was there a specific event that caused your distrust? Have you ever been able to trust your partner, or have you always been suspicious of them?
These are difficult questions that you must address. Don’t hide behind your anxiety. Answer these relationship questions to get to the bottom of the issue. Then and only then will you be able to move forward.
Broken Trust Because of Neglect which leads to the feeling of Rejection
There are numerous negative consequences of neglect in a relationship. Still, the most destructive to your marriage is the loss of trust. One of the deadliest causes of insecurity and emotional safety loss in a marriage is neglect. It leads to the feeling that I, as your spouse, can not trust you with my emotions and my love for you, as I do not know or understand why you reject me?
Being ignored in a marriage is a painful experience. It’s hard to be in the company of someone you care about and who cares about you but can’t show it. You may feel hurt, humiliated, and angry when your partner is unresponsive or emotionally distant. It’s simple to understand how this weakens the trust foundation.
Types of Rejection in Marriage
The feeling of rejection hurts everybody, but it’s excruciating when it comes from someone we care about. Therefore, it’s essential to understand how the negative consequences of marital neglect affect not just you but also your spouse.
1. Sexual Rejection
A significant kind of emotional rejection is sexual rejection. Rejection causes anxiety and depression, according to scientific evidence. Your spouse, who used to make you feel important, attractive, desirable, and loved, now makes you feel insignificant, undesirable, and unloved.
In severe situations of marital neglect, your spouse may have lost all interest in sex for various reasons.
2. Emotional Rejection
The constant disapproval and judgement of your spouse are referred to as emotional rejection. They may be emotionally distant and unresponsive even if they are not saying anything. Neglecting your own needs in marriage and not allowing you to be yourself are examples of emotional rejection. It will make you feel neglected, uninteresting, invisible, or insufficient compared to others.
3. Physical Rejection
Physical rejection occurs when your husband seems detached or unresponsive when you embrace or try to kiss him. This then makes you feel unimportant or undesired. It can also be seen as a lack of desire to have sex with you.
Physical rejection can also consist of leaving the marital bed or bedroom without speaking to you, being unavailable for sex, or refusing to initiate sex.
What Do You Do If You Don’t Trust Each Other In A Marriage?
This isn’t something that can be easily fixed. However, there are a few things you can do to get started.
1. Discover the ‘why’ behind the lack of trust.
This relates to the previous point on reasons for mistrust.
Ask yourself (and your spouse) why you don’t trust one another?
What happened to cause distrust?
Understanding why you feel the way you do, think the way you do, and respond the way you do is essential to figuring out what’s going on in your marriage.
If you want to move forward, you’ll need to understand the ‘why’ behind the event or emotions. So spend some time figuring out why.
2. Get professional help.
It is important to get counselling. It will help if you delve deep inside yourself to understand what is causing you to lose confidence in your marriage (assuming no event triggered your feelings).
Working with a relationship coach can help you and your spouse understand each other’s feelings and emotions. This is a great starting place if you want to repair your relationship.
3. Understand that trust takes time.
Learning how to trust again takes time—likewise, relearning what it means to trust someone takes time truly.
Your trust in your partner will not be restored quickly. Working past your mutual distrust will require time and effort on both sides. It won’t be a quick or straightforward repair. But unfortunately, there is no secret solution for rebuilding your trust in one another; it will take hard work, dedication, and commitment on both sides.
4. Get back together with ‘why’ at the top of the list…
Open and honest communication is vital in any relationship. However, it is crucial in a marriage. It is the foundation for trust. A happy marriage and a healthy relationship is built on trust and communication.
Final Thoughts on Staying in a marriage that Lacks trust
In marriage, a lack of trust is a serious problem. Many marriages fail due to a lack of mutual respect and trust in one another. I’ve seen marriage after marriage where one partner was caught off guard by the other, leaving them furious, resentful, and unwelcome.
When they can no longer trust their partner, some people give up and divorce (or before they have even experienced what a Godly relationship looks like). Others succeed because they are committed to their vows and are willing to go to great lengths to make their relationship work.
I know that if couples are willing to work on rebuilding trust in their relationship, they will be able to get through this and come out even stronger.
Your marriage cannot move forward if there is a massive obstacle in the way. When you have doubts about your spouse, you will not grow and develop as a couple. So take the necessary steps to identify what needs to change to get back on track with each other.
Seek couples counselling, make an effort to spend regular quality time together each week, and stop any dishonest behaviour with your spouse.