When To Call It Quits In A Marriage

It can be tricky to know when to call off your marriage. After all, what is going on between you two might just be a bump on the road. A pretty big bump. 


Even in a strong, stable relationship, It’s pretty normal to be worried when you’re going through bad times. 


When the bad times persist, and they seem permanent to the relationship, you could find yourself thinking: Should I call it quits? Should I divorce? 


Statistics state that 40 -50 percent of marriages end in divorce. So many people have been in the same shoe you are in. 


Everyone’s deal-breaker is different, but we can all agree no one should stay in a toxic abusive environment for too long. While you may love your partner, you have to be selfish about what’s best for you and your mental health.   





I’ll like to get the worse out of the way. For no reason whatsoever should anyone put their hands on you. There is no excuse for this kind of behaviour, and it shouldn’t be tolerated no matter what. Anyone that hits you doesn’t respect you, and respect is paramount for any relationship to last. Anyone can be physically abused; it doesn’t matter how big you are, how strong you are, or your gender.  


According to the NCADV, on average, nearly 20 people are physically abused by their romantic partners every minute. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men


That’s a lot of people considering the population of the states.  If you have to reach out for help, please do so. There are safe houses and professionals who can help you. You are important, and everyone should feel safe in their home and relationship. 



When it comes to addicts, there is only one thing on their minds, and that’s getting their next fix. What starts as a simple recreational activity can become a fixation. And, the person you fell in love with can slowly become unrecognizable. They could become aggressive, perpetual liars, thieves, and cheats. 


Does this mean you have to leave the person? 


It depends. Sometimes you should, and sometimes you shouldn’t. 


It depends on how far this person has fallen and if they can and want to be saved. If you’re lucky, you will be able to motivate your partner to change for the better. In some cases, nothing you do will help this person, and they could even fall deeper by becoming aggressive to you. If you can’t help this person, the best thing is to leave for your own peace and mental wellbeing. 



Now before I begin, I am not saying your partner has a pass to cheat once or twice. But, depending on the length & quality of your marriage, if a partner cheats once, it might just mean you two have work to do. Not the end of your relationship. 


But we are not talking about that. In our case, this is a person who is repeatedly cheating and disrespecting you. 


The stats show that if someone cheated before, they are 350 percent more likely to do it again, 


If someone is repeatedly hurting you, they either think they can get away with it, or they do not care that they’re hurting you. 


Even if they show remorse, it doesn’t mean anything if they just go back to it. Regardless of if they care or not that they are hurting you, this is the sign of a selfish person. The fact that they keep on cheating means they do not consider your emotional wellbeing. 


This person either doesn’t love you, or they love the thrill of having a secret life outside their marriage/relationship more. Either way, this isn’t someone you can have a healthy, long-lasting relationship with. Get out. 



Your relationship didn’t start this way. It’s impossible for people that disagree on everything to have a relationship. I know you’ve heard that the opposite attracts. Even then though, you will find that they agree on their core values in life and fight over the miniature. 


There was a time you two could talk for hours about what interested each other without getting bored. If you can’t do this anymore, something is wrong. 


If you no longer have common grounds with someone you used to, it means that one person or both have changed. The signs of this are that you argue over everything, can’t work together on anything, and you dread sharing your opinions with one another. 


Can this be worked on? Definitely, but every case is different. 


Seek professional help if all else fails, and if that fails as well, it’s better to call it quits. A relationship is a partnership, and if you can’t work together anymore, it’s best to end things. 


The reason you both could have lost common ground could be that you’re falling out of love or are no longer in love with one another, which means no one of you wants to work on the relationship anymore. 


Again if this is the case, it can be worked on depending on a lot of things. The best way to test things out is by asking yourself this question? If you could, would you rather not hear or be around this person again? 


No matter how much space we give our partner, it’s pretty normal to at least want to hear how their day went. In 2021 this will mean no texting or communicating with this person at all. When you do this, and you find yourself not caring about how their day went, then that’s a pretty big sign. 


If you do care and they do too, then you might need professional help to get things back on track. 



I’ll start by saying that there is nothing wrong with hanging out with your friends. But if that’s your weekly go-to activity, then that’s a huge red flag. This is a sign that you desire a different lifestyle. 


Something is wrong when you keep going back to a place that could jeopardize your relationship. This happens because you are bored, frustrated, or seeking something new in your love life. 


Another example of this is you are never interested in hanging out with your spouse/partner. You’d rather spend time with your friends or solo, making yourself available everywhere else where people meet. 


This is disrespectful to your partner. You will only cause your partner emotional distress, and you’ll most likely cheat anyways. I will suggest that you seek professional help before you end this relationship. You can change your habits and find love again. 


6. NO SEX. 

Sex isn’t everything to a relationship, but without it, you’re no different than roomies.  


The only excuse for both of you not to have sex is for health reasons, either physical or mental. Outside of that, there is no reason why you should go months without sex. No one is that busy. A week without sex can be excused, but months or an entire season? 


Never. That’s inexcusable 


If you notice that you do not feel attracted to your partner anymore, then you have a huge issue to deal with. Intimacy is a must in every healthy relationship. Without it, you might as well get a divorce. 



If you find yourself or your partner threatening divorce every time you two argue, it’s a sign of a bigger problem at play. The thought of divorce shouldn’t be coming to your mind whenever you quarrel. It’s even worse saying it to your partner. 

The fact that you are threatening it all the time or that your partner means you/they desire out from your marriage somewhere deep down. This could come from being emotionally unavailable, drained, unhappiness and depression as well. 



The only advice I’ll give is that you make sure to seek professional help before you make the decision to get a divorce. Your spouse might be great, and you could be the one with the issues. It could mean you need to work through some things, and you might get a new perspective on your marriage. Or perhaps only need to change a few habits.  Maybe you’ll find out how good you have it and with a tweak here and there you will live your happily ever after.  

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