In a relationship, each partner has their own needs, just as the relationship itself has needs. These must be met – they’re “needs”, of course.

Beyond the basics of survival, human beings have an innate need for emotional connection, spirituality, and sexual expression. These are not selfish wants but necessary to the human experience. Having our needs met can be challenging, but what is important to remember is that the power to get our needs met is entirely within our grasp. 

Let me elaborate.

You are responsible for learning your needs, how they should be met, and what strategies work best for you. 

Only you truly know what you need to feel your best, be your best, and thrive. We are all unique individuals, and while we will share many of the same needs, they won’t necessarily be the same, nor will the path towards fulfillment be the same. So, lean into yourself, identify your needs, and figure out the strategies for fulfillment that work for you. Sometimes we don’t necessarily know what we need. That’s okay. Let it be the catalyst that ignites your journey of self-discovery on the path toward you living your best life. No one else can do this but you.

You are responsible for advocating for your needs. 

The human condition is connection, which means many of our needs are more easily or completely fulfilled by another person. In this case, our romantic partners. It is your responsibility to communicate your needs to your partner. Don’t assume your partner or anyone else for that matter, will know what you need, even if you think it should be obvious. Have the confidence to communicate and advocate for yourself. Likewise, encourage your partner to share their needs and how you can best meet them with you. 

You are responsible for disengaging from relationships where your partner consistently shows you that they are unable or unwilling to meet your needs. 

If you are clearly communicating your needs to your partner and are they consistently showing you that they can’t meet them, then it is time to assess your relationship and determine if disengaging is the right course of action for you. The goal of a relationship is life-enrichment, not increased challenges.

Likewise, you are responsible for choosing emotionally healthy and available partners who demonstrate that they are able to meet your needs. 

This won’t be everyone. But these people do abound and will consistently show you that they care about your needs and wish to do what they can to fulfill them.

Own your individuality and embrace your needs. It isn’t selfish. It’s you bringing your best self to your relationship. It’s also empowering. When we stop looking to other people to meet our needs and see that the power is within ourselves, we move towards a happier and healthier future. Go forward with confidence and advocate for both yourself and your spouse. You deserve it, and so does your marriage.